Eighteen years ago, Kyle and I entered into a formal contract of marriage knowing full well we were very different from one another.  Outside of well-baked chestnuts like religion, politics, and the number of times we’ve watched the movie Speed (Kyle has only seen Speed once.  Once!  What kind of person watches Sandra Bullock and Canada’s Keanu Reeves ride a bus panel like Kate Winslet on that door in Titanic and then knock a guy’s head off with a subway ceiling light and thinks, “Well, I’m all full up of THAT.”), Kyle and I absolutely do not agree on dessert.  Kyle, for example, loves anything with warm apples: apple pie, apple crisp, apple tarts (not a euphemism), apple fritters.  I, on the other hand, don’t consider food well on the path to becoming applesauce a dessert.

To be honest, I don’t care much about dessert in general.  Don’t get me wrong; you hand me a chocolate cupcake with crème de menthe frosting and I’m gonna Cookie Monster the crap outta that thing.  But if you said, “Listen, Amanda, it’s a salad bar with Speed playing on every television or a lifetime supply of desserts,” Sandra had better clear out her mailbox for residual checks because a bowlful of baby corn and I have a date with a ladle of ranch dressing and destiny.

To that end, I rarely make dessert.  I make dessert so rarely that I baked brownies a month ago and the kids asked me if we were going to a party.  Twice last year, Kyle went to the store and bought pre-made pie crust and apple pie filling and left it on the counter until I got annoyed by its presence and made it.

As such, and because I want my husband to be happy (or, at least, happy in that it’s not an inconvenience to me), and also because I want him to live a long life which means I don’t want him eating entire processed food-laden pies every week, Kyle and I have agreed on a path forward to keep our marriage strong: Dessert Adultery.

In Dessert Adultery, someone else’s wife provides Kyle with dessert (not a euphemism).  Only dessert.  No funny business, no unnecessary conversation or friendship – just a straight-up transference of baked goods (not a euphemism).  It probably doesn’t even need to be a wife, except that the only people we know in town who make desserts (not a euphemism) are wives.  Here’s how Dessert Adultery works: a wife makes her family/coworkers/neighbors dessert (not a euphemism).  From that dessert (not a euphemism), she carves off a portion for Kyle.  Kyle goes over to her house, picks up said dessert (not a euphemism), and eats it (not a euphemism) in the comfort of our home.  For my part, I can exist without having to dump slimy cans of apples into pie tins (euphemism).

Kyle came up with Dessert Adultery after a particularly satisfying sand volleyball game.

“Let’s go celebrate with an apple crisp,” he said as we walked to the car.  “You have a secret apple crisp in the trunk of your car for when we win a game, right?”

“I do not have a secret apple crisp in the trunk of my car for any type of scenario,” I said.

“I love apple crisp,” one of Kyle’s teammates – notably, one of the wives – said.  “Maybe I’ll make an apple crisp tonight.”

“Maybe you can make me an apple crisp,” Kyle said.

She made him an apple crisp.  She warned me several times in person and over text that she was going to do it (“I’m making Kyle an apple crisp, Amanda,” she’d say.  “That’s awesome and so nice of you,” I’d respond), and she dropped it off when she was sure I was home.  I made him come to the door and say thank you, and then sent her a picture of him eating it.

“That was the best apple crisp ever,” Kyle said to me as he dove into a second piece.

“I bet; she’s such a good cook,” I said.

“Do you think it would be weird for me to ask her for another one?”  He said.

“I think it would be taking advantage of a kind friend,” I said.

“Okay,” he said, sadly – and then, “What if I asked someone else for an apple crisp?”

“Listen to your heart,” I said.

“OR,” he said, realizing the possibilities, “I could ask someone for a BREAD PUDDING.”

“Shoot for the moon,” I said.  “And be prepared for two extra servings a night of vegetables to make up for all the sugar you’ll be eating.”

“Sounds hot,” he said.

“Hot like the kiss at the end of Speed,” I said.

“Right,” he said.  “Do they kiss at the end of Speed?”

“Don’t you mean, ‘Pop Quiz: Do they kiss at the end of Speed?’”  I asked.

“Why would I mean that?”  He said.

“Oh, eat your apple crisp,” I said.

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The photo above was taken before we had children. You can tell it’s before we had kids because Kyle and I had the time and patience to tape off and paint that wall behind him. The cake is oatmeal chocolate, which I know because I’ve baked him a chocolate oatmeal cake for his birthday every year we’ve been together. Here’s a recipe.

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This week on North Dakota Today, we talked about care packages for Jamestown’s first responders and a community of love in Crosby.  Check it out!  (Valley News Live)

I know so, so many people who helped make this happen – Feed My Starving Children’s Fargo Pack has already beat their all-time record, packing over 3 million meals…and the event goes on until January 15. (Valley News Live)

In the latest issue of The Red Cent, I interviewed Grand Forks’ Christine Dewey about Be the Light – a program which helps students grow good feelings through community connection. (North Dakota Nice / The Red Cent)

Hettinger’s Dr. Thomas Jacobsen has turned his home into an unofficial museum with a variety of historic artifacts, including 22 pieces of ledger art from the Standing Rock Reservation. (KFYR TV)

Speaking of unofficial museums, MAYSA Arena in Minot has its own “Minot Hockey Bible” thanks to Larry McFall. (KFYR TV)

Bismarck’s Zahra Storseth is on her way to becoming a YouTube star, thanks to Make-A-Wish. (Valley News Live)

In North Dakota-adjacent news, a moose named Rutt now has a Facebook page with 50,000 followers from around the world. (Fargo Forum)

Did you know NASA’s first female professional was a graduate of the University of North Dakota? (Grand Forks Herald)

Also as a reminder, Kyle and his friends, Corey and Kelly, have a podcast called North Dakota After Dark where they talk about youth hockey in North Dakota.  The latest episode is up and it’s one of my favorites so far – an interview with Central’s Athletic Director Tony Bina.  Check it out. Bonus: you can watch it on YouTube. (North Dakota After Dark)

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