Conversational narcissism is when a person consistently turns every conversation back to themselves – their feelings, their experiences, their stories, their mushroom coffee.  Oh!  What a funny coincidence; I have been drinking mushroom coffee.  Let me tell you about it.

Many months ago, I was sitting with my friend’s mother (who is also my friend) at a hockey game talking about My Favorite Subject in the World (we’ll come back to that) and she said,

“I recently started drinking mushroom coffee and I have to tell you, I love it.”

“What do you love about it?”  I asked, partially to make conversation, partially to make sure my friend’s mother wasn’t being taken for a ride by some mushroom charlatan, but mainly because I wanted to know how this disgusting-sounding product could be tied back to My Favorite Subject in the World (henceforth MFSW).

For the remainder of the game, she extolled the virtues of mushroom coffee.  It reduced inflammation.  It reduced stress.  It improved focus.  It helped with joint pain.  It washed and gassed your car and taught your children how to play guitar.  It tasted good.

“Yes, but does it help with MFSW?”  I asked.

“So far, so good,” she said.

“Send me the link,” I said.

She pulled up the website for the mushroom coffee and was about to hit “copy-paste” on her browser when one of the boys was hit into boards and needed to go to the hospital and we stopped talking about mushroom coffee and started talking about that.  By the time I returned home I had completely forgotten about mushroom coffee.

Many months later, I was sitting in my living room with my other friend and her husband (who is also my friend) talking about GLP-1s when my friend’s husband said,

“I’ve been drinking mushroom coffee and I’ve already lost eight pounds.”

“You lost eight pounds from mushroom coffee?”  I asked, very surprised.  I was very surprised that I had forgotten my conversation with my friend’s mother until that moment.  I was very surprised because my friend’s husband is not one for a million words (what’s that like?) and in the seven-plus years of our friendship he’s never offered up any information on any subject without me forcing it out of him.  I was very surprised because I did not know that my friend’s mother and my other friend’s husband were reading the same websites.  And I was very surprised that two different people in my life had now commented on their love for this disgusting-sounding product.

“Yes,” he said.

“Really,” I said.  “And how about MFSW?  Has it helped with that?”

Dear readers, My Favorite Subject in the World is pooping.  I come from a long of people who love talking about bathroom habits – if Kyle and I ever get divorced he will point directly to the fact that he has had to endure maaany large-group family dinners in fancy restaurants where the main topic of conversation was our gastrointestinal health – but I’ve especially loved talking about it now that I’m in my 40s and…let’s say…things aren’t moving the way they used to.

“That’s not really a problem for me,” my friend’s husband, who had managed to avoid this topic with me until that moment, said.  “But it couldn’t hurt.”

A few days later, I went and bought a six-cup package of mushroom coffee.  I took one packet, mixed it with hot water, added a little half-and-half, and sniffed it.  It smelled like watery hot chocolate.  I took a sip.  It tasted like watery hot chocolate.  I drank it.

I don’t know if it was the placebo effect or what, but something like 30 minutes later, I felt great.  Not only did I feel great, but all systems were a go, if you get my drift.  By day six of drinking mushroom coffee, I had lost one singular pound (the female equivalent of a man losing eight pounds).

Obviously, as a conversational narcissist who had now discovered the secret to MFSW and losing one singular pound, I have yet to shut my yap about mushroom coffee.  I texted my sister; I emailed my best friend; I’ve brought it up at every single hockey and non-hockey event and activity I’ve attended.  I even managed to turn a work conversation about aquatics centers into a pitch for it; you’re welcome, coworkers. 

I especially haven’t stopped talking about it to my husband, who was…let’s say…less receptive.  Especially after I made him take a sniff of my own coffee mug, thinking the chocolate undertones would lure him in.

“Oh, my gosh, that’s awful,” he said.  “It smells like hot mushroom water.”

“What?  No, it doesn’t,” I said, taking a sniff myself.  “It smells like chocolate.”

“No, Amanda,” he said.

“Maybe it’s like cilantro,” I said.  “It smells like chocolate to some people and mushrooms to other people.”

“Whatever it is, it’s bad,” he said.

Not to be deterred, I kept nudging and nudging and nudging him until he finally agreed to try an actual cup of mushroom coffee, so long as it was a different brand than my own.  The one I got him came with a frother and flavored creamer, and I set it squarely in the center of the countertop before I left for work.

“I drank a cup of that stuff you got me,” Kyle told me later that evening.  “It wasn’t as horrible as yours.”

“Do you feel amazingly better?”  I asked him.

He thought about it for a minute.

“No, not really,” he said.

“Better drink another cup, then,” I said, “because I feel g-reat.”

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The photo above does not include mushroom coffee, but when I was searching through my phone for a photo for this story I came across this one and wanted to share. When my sister and I visit my parents (or, in this case, when we were at the lake), my dad gets the coffee maker ready to go and sets the mugs out in a little row like this every evening. It’s always very cute to wake up in the morning and have your mug waiting for you.

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This week on North Dakota Today, we talked about the community behind Heidi Muus, my Nice People of the Week, as well as a gentleman in search of baseball caps. (Valley News Live)

West Fargo’s Avantay Mullerdahlbreg has earned every single merit badge available through Scouting America, making him one of 644 scouts out of 130 million to do so. (Fargo Forum, found via Oops Only Good News)

For the 92nd year, Williston is lye-ing up the lutefisk. (KFYR TV)

White Shield’s Katherine Fox received a touching “tap out” from her siblings at her military graduation ceremony. (Facebook)

These beautiful and talented girls are our former neighbors.  Go, Norah and Nylah! (Grand Forks Herald)

Grand Forks has been named the #1 city in the US (among similarly sized cities) for per capita project development. (Grand Forks Herald)

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