Last week, I took a four-hour tour of the North Dakota State Penitentiary, which is the state’s maximum-security prison.  Needless to say, it was one of the Top Five Most Interesting Things I’ve ever done.  I say “needless to say,” but we all know that I have A LOT to say on it – in fact, if you know me in real life, you can confirm I won’t shut up about it.  My poor friends were trying to watch a hockey game on Saturday and the whole time I was like, “I spoke with a guy for ten minutes – Oh, no problem, definitely cheer for your kid, GO BUDDY! – before it dawned on me that he was not an employee – Oh, sorry, we should probably watch the game, SHOOT, BUDDY!” – but a resident with a 27-year sentence.”

I have so much to say on the whole thing – I took 40 pages of notes on the tour – that I’ve been wrestling with the best way to share it.  North Dakota’s system is very progressive, and so what I expected from watching prison television shows and The Shawshank Redemption versus what I saw in real life did not align most of the time.  For example, if I tell you I met the prison warden, do you have a vision in your mind of what a warden would look like?  Does that vision include a cowboy hat?  Well, he wasn’t wearing a hat at all.  I’m not saying that wearing a cowboy hat has anything to do with the progressiveness of the system, but I would say I was surprised at most of what I experienced.

Here’s what I’ve decided: I’m going to write up one long (LONG) story on here next week, followed by a column in the Grand Forks Herald on a specific program, followed by a mention on North Dakota Today for one of the organizations connected to the system.  I’m posting the North Dakota Nice column next week instead of this week because I want to first send the draft to the North Dakota Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (NDDOCR) since I’m not fully trusting of my 40 pages of notes – and, you know, it’s prison.  My #1 take away from touring the prison is “Don’t go to prison.”  My #2 take away from touring the prison is “Make sure you get the facts about prison right because people have a lot of feelings about prison.”  And I told you about the cowboy hat thing because I want you to be fully aware of the dumbness of some of my preconceived notions in case you want to skip my story next week.

Obviously, though, I’m going to write about it a little bit this week.

I’ve told you before that I am a Rule Follower.  A Rule Follower.  If there is a rule, I will follow it.  I’ve broken The Rules so few times in my life that I can list off every instance it’s happened.  When I was invited to tour the prison, they sent me a list of rules.  In summary:

• Do not bring any belongings into the facility, including cell phones and keys; if you bring unnecessary belongings into the facility, they will be put in a locker.
• Carry your driver’s license; it will be held at the front desk until you are ready to leave.
• Wear close-toed shoes and appropriate clothing; here is a list of what would be considered inappropriate.

“Let’s get you in here!”  The NDDOCR’s lovely Director of Communications wrote.  “And we’ll let you out, too (smiley face).”

Now, that’s my kind of joke.  And that’s my kind of list.  And so I was absolutely, positively going to follow that list to the letter so that there wasn’t any question in anyone’s mind that the joke should remain a joke.

I pulled into the NDDOCR parking lot wearing my close-toed shoes and appropriate clothing (jeans, sweater, sneakers).  I took my driver’s license out of my wallet and put it in my pocket.  I put my cell phone and keys in my purse, and then put my purse under my seat, which is a terrible hiding place.  Then I took my purse out from under my chair, pulled my cell phone out of my purse, and called Kyle.

“I can’t lock my car if I leave my keys in it,” I told him.  “Someone could steal my car and take my purse and phone at the same time.”

“Who is going to steal your car in the parking lot of the prison?”  He asked.

I put my cell phone and purse back under my seat and went inside.

I took the tour.

After the tour was over, I was chatting with the Comm Director and told her about my conversation with Kyle.

“You could have put your purse in the locker, Amanda,” she said, pointing at the giant bank of lockers in the lobby.

“But that would have been breaking the primary rule of not bringing anything into the facility,” I told her.  “And I’m a Rule Follower.”

“You did a great job,” she said.  “We’ll let you out.”

“Phew,” I said, which was both a joke and not a joke.

---

The Northern Lights followed me all the way home from Bismarck. Somewhere around Jamestown I pulled over, got out, stood in the coldness, and thought, “I’m so glad I’m not in prison.” Then I took the picture above.

---

This week on North Dakota Today we talked about Keilani Holweger, my Nice Person of the Week, as well as a free line dancing group that meets weekly. (Valley News Live)

A Minot Boy named Colby is filling food pantries with gluten-free foods and doing so with a lawn raking and snow clearing business. (KFYR TV)

In Arizona Nice News, an Arizona State fan had such a good time watching the Arizona/UND series that he picked up the bar tab for everyone in the Ralph’s club lounge. (Grand Forks Herald)

Burlington’s Bentley the golden retriever has been inducted into the DockDogs Hall of Fame. (KFYR TV)

In Holy Buckets news, Hillsboro’s Lorraine Reinpold is expecting her 100th great-grandchild. (Grand Forks Herald)

In a true definition of irony, a turkey named Reuben was pardoned from becoming dinner. (Valley News Live)

---