After years of blood, sweat, tears, appointments, Waterpiks, headgear, broken brackets, lost wires, rubber bands, expanders, a short-lived foray into a cage appliance for a tongue thrust which probably earned me the title “Karen of the Month” around the orthodontist’s office, and many, many thousands of dollars – my thirteen-year-old is now done with his braces.  Huzzah!  Hallelujah!  Bring on the corn on the cob!

Thirteen’s adventures up the metallic mountain started some six years ago when his dentist recommended “early intervention” orthodonture to correct a slightly misaligned jaw.  I went to an “informational appointment” where a very effective Business Manager showed me pictures of maybe real people/maybe movie zombies with similar jawlines, and explained that while he didn’t NEED early intervention, without it he’d likely require surgery as an adult in order to do things like breathe.  The added benefit to the early intervention meant that he wouldn’t need cosmetic braces for “as long”…if you didn’t count the years of the early intervention braces.  Fortunately for my orthodontist’s planned backyard swimming pool, I had a friend who had only just lamented the suckiness of her daughter’s own adult corrective surgery, and so I signed on the dotted line.  They had that expander in his mouth and a teeny-tiny wrench in my hand (all the better to tighten it with, my dear) within the month.

In January of this year, Thirteen went to a routine orthodonture check-up.  I sat in the waiting room as far away from the front desk as possible in case they had “Karen of the Month” photo bulletin board somewhere in the back.  After an hour or so, Thirteen appeared.

“They said my teeth were good and I could have my braces off today,” he said.  “Or, if I wanted to perfect my smile, I could have them on a little longer.”

“What did you say?”  I said, thinking in my most Karen way that the question should have been posed to the person with the credit card on file and not the one who complained ten times a day about getting food stuck in his brackets.

“I said I wanted to perfect my smile,” he said, wisely.  “So, yeah, I get my braces off in May if I wear my rubber bands.”

“Are you going to wear your rubber bands?”  I asked.

“Uh, YEAH,” Thirteen said.

Obviously, Thirteen wore his rubber bands.  He came down with strep throat and had to postpone his braces appointment by a week, so the removal was all the more glorious.

I also had my braces removed in the spring.  As opposed to Thirteen, I hadn’t been given any sort of fair warning; it was the 90’s, and we were too busy talking about the recently-released movie Twister to communicate anything else.  I showed up to the orthodontist one day and they took them off.  Back then, retainers were fashioned with chisels and stones by the light of a campfire over the period of a couple of days, and so I walked out of the orthodontist with just myself and my own straight teeth.

I strode into school smiling wide enough that everyone could see back to my tonsils.

“Well, well, well,” one of the assistant principals said as I walked into the office to sign in.  “Lookin’ good, Miss Silverman.”

“What do you mean?”  I asked, trying to play it cool but smiling so wide that even my wisdom teeth were showing.

“Oh! No more braces!”  One of the secretaries, who was pretty new and possibly hadn’t known I had braces before I walked teeth-first into the office, said.

“Oh, yes, that,” I said nonchalantly, closing my mouth temporarily to lick my nice, smooth teeth before smiling again. “I hadn’t really noticed.”

Thirteen’s braces came off after school.

“Let me see those beautiful teeth,” I said as soon as he got home.

“Uh, no,” he said, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling about as wide as his mouth would go.

“Also,” he said, “I got this, like, retainer.”  He pulled a clear retainer – think Invisalign – out of his mouth (he had a permanent bottom retainer put in at a previous appointment).  “I have to wear it at night for, I think, ever.”

“Only at night?”  I said.  “That’s nice; I had to wear mine all day AND night.  I think I accidentally threw it away at lunch about every-other week.”

“Do you wear a retainer?”  He looked at me quizzically.

“Um,” I said, trying to remember if my own retainer – the metal kind, bottom and top – had made it home from Boston with me some 20-plus years ago and wondering if my orthodontist was still alive and would know that I hadn’t been wearing it for, I think, twenty-five years.  “I’m supposed to but I don’t, which is why a couple of my bottom teeth are crooked.”

I opened my mouth and showed him, and he nodded knowingly.

“Take care of your teeth,” I told Thirteen.  “You’ve already put a lot of time into them.”

“I will,” Thirteen said in earnest, licking his teeth and smiling.

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The picture above is of my babe when those teeth were brand-spankin’ new.

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I wasn’t on North Dakota Today this week because of the holiday.  Last week, we talked about Ashley Ham, my Nice Person of the Week, as well as a free fishing derby for kids. (Valley News Live)

Cousins Blake Homiston and Cecilia Homiston have been named Dickinson’s Male and Female Athletes of the Year. (Dickinson Press)

Fargo’s Jason Seminara-Bronston went from a 1.0 GPA (and three semesters behind) to preparing for graduation by commuting back and forth from Omaha to Fargo and working his butt off. (Fargo Forum)

The F5 Project has a new transitional house in Grand Forks to help people who have recently gotten out of prison or drug and alcohol treatment. (Fargo Forum; Found from “Oops Only Good News”)

Finley’s Bryson Kirk was the #1 (and only) student to graduate this year. (Valley News Live)

Artists of Grand Forks!  It’s mural time. (Grand Forks Herald)

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