I absolutely, positively, one-million-percent was not going to write about the weather this week.  Absolutely, positively not.  It’s cold every winter in North Dakota, this particular winter isn’t anything special, and I’ve said everything I need to say on the subject.  There are other things to talk about; for example, the other day I asked my nine-year-old if he wanted a new toothbrush and he said, “No, mine is soft; I water it every day.”  Plus, I already covered the weather a couple of weeks ago and if I keep on writing about it you all will find something much more interesting to read on Wednesdays, like a blog authored by a dolphin and his English translator about their dolphin-human philosophical and physical adventures together.  (If that blog exists, please send it to me.)  So, no, no weather for me.

It was very cold over the long weekend.  On Monday, my Saskatchewan sister-in-law sent me a screenshot of her weather station; the temperature was -36.3 degrees Celsius with a “Real Feel” of -49.  As you know, Celsius and Fahrenheit meet at -40.  My nieces were home from school because the bussing policy is that the school buses won’t run if the “Real Feel” is -45.   Freezing temperatures certainly aren’t a new concept in the Upper Midwest and Canada, and so when it gets to the point where people say, “You know, I think maybe we should stay inside today,” it’s cold.

It wasn’t quite as frosty in Grand Forks – I think the lowest point was a “Real Feel” of 22-below Fahrenheit – but the thing about cold is…and hold onto your underpants because this is really profound…cold is cold.  The “Real Feel” could have actually been 29-below but I didn’t bother to check the temperature because when you step out of your house and the hairs in your nose freeze, you don’t think, “Hmm, I do believe the ‘Real Feel’ is actually 30-below and I shall lodge this concern with the National Weather Service.”

However, because our weather was a balmy -22 and not -45, life continued on as planned; we just were cold while doing it.  A friend of mine walked around with a blanket like Linus.  I took four baths in three days.  Kyle found reasons for us to stay inside, including starting a TV series (Landman; Billy Bob Thornton and Jon Hamm in a soap opera about the oil industry) that we never would have watched otherwise.  I also baked a cottage cheese cake because I needed a reason to have the oven on for an hour and I had the ingredients on hand – and I’m going to tell you all about this cake because then this story is about cake, and not weather.

There is a Swedish cheesecake called Ostkaka.  Ostkaka is eggless and uses cottage cheese and flour, and I’ve had it with strawberries on top and it’s delicious.  The recipe I found billed itself as “Ostkaka-inspired” and used two eggs and zero flour and really none of the other ingredients in Ostkaka except the cottage cheese.  The final product did not taste like Ostkaka but it was still good, similar to turkey bacon, which doesn’t taste or look or function like bacon but is perfectly fine if you want salted turkey strips.

The nice thing about Flourless Cottage Cheese Cake (my title) is that the only sugar is honey and it’s pretty savory and high in protein so you could have it for breakfast.

Here is the recipe for Flourless Cottage Cheese Cake:

In a blender, dump 1-1/4 cup full fat cottage cheese, 1/3 cup honey, a pinch of salt, 3 tablespoons of cornstarch, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, and 2 eggs, and blend it up until it’s smooth-ish (smooth-inspired).  In the 30 seconds that it’s blending pre-heat your oven to 350 and scrunch up a ball of parchment paper and spread it out the best you can in a pie plate.  I have no idea what the parchment did that the pie plate couldn’t do alone, but the cake was good so I wouldn’t mess with success.

Pour the contents of the blender into the parchment-lined pie place, cover the whole thing with foil, and stick it in the oven for 20 minutes.  After 20, remove the foil and bake it for another 30 minutes.  Let it cool – like, really cool – and then put whatever you want on top and serve it.  I put honey on Kyle’s slice and blackberries and honey on mine, but you could really cover it in whatever you want: preserves, chocolate sauce, peanut butter, whatever.  You can also eat it without anything on top, if that’s your jam.  I’d recommend pairing it with coffee and enjoying it with your best dolphin friend.

Nine, who can sniff out a dessert in the dark with both nostrils clamped with a clothespin, appeared in the kitchen as I was drizzling on the honey.

“Can I have some cake?”  He asked.

“Sure,” I said.  “Although I’m not sure you’ll like it.  It’s pretty cottage-cheesy.”

“I like cottage cheese,” Nine lied.

I put honey and miniature chocolate chips on top of Nine’s.  He licked off the honey, ate the chips, and handed back the cake.

“I don’t like it, it’s too cottage-cheesy,” he said.

“Fair enough,” I said.

“And it’s too cold for cake,” he said, wrapping himself up in a blanket and sitting down by the fire.  “Can I have ice cream instead?”

“Sure,” I said, taking a bite of his slice.

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I’ve been so cold lately that I’ve taken to walking around the house with my bathrobe over my clothes, but I didn’t want to take a picture of that. Instead, the photo above is from this summer when it was not cold.

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This week on North Dakota Today we talked about Linda Haugen and Sharon Kotts, my Nice People of the Week, as well as a North Dakota Game & Fish challenge to win a new ice house. (Valley News Live)

Did you know North Dakota is one of only two states without an official rock?  Students at Bottineau Public Schools are working hard to fix that. (North Dakota Monitor; Found from “Oops Only Good News”)

The Grand Forks Fire Department Local 242 bought food and grew mustaches to help keep bellies full. (Facebook)

It’s cold outside but the snow sculptures are cookin’ at the North Dakota Heritage Center. (KX Net)

There’s a new North Dakota-made board game in town for those hoping to “Strike It Rich.” (965 The Walleye)

Want to brag to your friends that you’re a patron of the arts?  Get out to the Fargo Moorhead Community Theatre this weekend and check out 12 plays in one hour. (Fargo Forum)

Grand Forks’ Eric Sanders is one of 24 high school coaches across the country to be named a National Coach of the Year. (Grand Forks Herald)

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