I recently suffered through a health issue that Google Internet-diagnosed as Rinderpest and a real doctor accurately diagnosed as – how do I put this without grossing out my husband and society?  Let’s say that the mail was being delivered later than expected (because things were a bit backed up).

The solution for…oiling up the fireplace (so as to open the damper) is as you would expect.  The solution to keeping the freeway clear (so everyone gets home in time to take the kids to the pool) is also what you’d expect because it’s the solution for, like, 80% of all worldwide diseases: water and exercise.  Everything is water and exercise.  Leg cramping up?  Drink water and exercise.  Leg infected?  Drink lots of water with your antibiotic and then exercise.  Leg fallen off?  Here, drink this water and exercise.  It might not help, but it won’t hurt!

The problem for me with exercise – my water situation was due, ironically, to too much coffee – is that I’m very, very sedentary.  How sedentary?  Well, the phrase, “We sometimes see this type of issue in bed-bound seniors” may have been thrown around.  I sit all day at a desk, and then go home and sit all evening at a hockey rink or on my couch.  There are a million ways around my predicament: a gym membership, a yoga class over the lunch hour, walking around the rink during practice, actually using the treadmill I have in my house…but I always find a million excuses.  But NAY, NEVER AGAIN; never again will I spend money and time (and blood, and x-ray radiation, and a bucketful of embarrassment) for something that can be cured with a morning prune.

I am going to open a gym that’s not a gym at all but is a room with floor-to-ceiling projections and a treadmill, and members go in and walk for three miles in whatever virtual environment they want – Hoth, Fairyland, their favorite childhood mall, whatever.  Members are only allowed to leave the room once they finish their three miles and drink an entire bottle of water, and then their reward is 10 minutes in the sauna, because everyone likes a shvitz.  “Can’t you just simulate that on a regular treadmill by wearing VR goggles?”  You may be wondering.  Well, I once walked into a concrete column that I knew was there while wearing VR googles, so obviously no.  I’ll call this gym/non-gym “Take a Hike (and Then a Sauna).”

I couldn’t wait for Take a Hike (and Then a Sauna) – TAHTAS for short – to get through the permitting and trademarking and sauna sourcing process, though, before starting my exercise program, so I decided to take TAHTAS on the literal road and start walking outside.  I spent five minutes during dinner prep to map out a three-mile route and then, after the dishes were done, went for a walk.  I walked in my work clothes because I knew if I went upstairs to change into workout stuff I’d get distracted by the laundry or something shiny in my office.  When I got home, I drank a glass of water.

Of course, it worked.  The snowplows were taken out of storage (and the streets were cleared), so to speak.

I’ve now been walking every evening for a couple of weeks and let me tell you, I’m insufferable about it.  I’m mainly insufferable because it’s such an ordeal for me to clear off 45 minutes from my schedule that it’s the only thing I talk or think about, like a person new to veganism or a Harvard graduate (that was the joke when I attended Boston University: “How do you know if a person went to Harvard?  They’ll tell you.”).  I’m minorly insufferable because I lost two pounds – I think we know where they went – and am feeling hotsy-totsy.

Kyle started walking with me on Day 2 or 3, which has been very nice for me because I have a buddy, and also because he mapped out a few much better routes, including one that took us to a nearby bar for a mid-walk nightcap.  I was even more insufferable after that because we got to have a spontaneous date.  One time our nine-year-old came with on his bike, although he found the whole experience completely unentertaining and has yet to rejoined.

I continue to walk in my work clothes, which looks ridiculous.  It’s even more ridiculous because we happen to live on a popular walking path and usually pass by a handful of our friends every night, and I never, ever pause to chat because if I stop and chat then I’m not walking, and the point is walking.  What that means is that our friends and neighbors get to experience me (and poor Kyle) bombing by at full speed in my work clothes shouting, “Hello, nice to see you, BYYYEEEE.”

My goal is to make this enough of a habit that by the time it’s too cold to walk outside, I’ll either have TAHTAS set up or I’ll be willing to use my actual aforementioned treadmill.  Wish me luck.  And water.

---

I took the photo on a walk. I’m wearing a raincoat because it was the first jacket available by the door and I thought it might be chilly. It was not chilly and I was too lazy to carry it, so if you saw someone walking in a work dress, fancy sandals, and a raincoat on a hot evening recently, that was me.

---

This week on North Dakota Today we talked about Al Gustin, my Nice Person of the Week, as well as a woman named Ann Pollert who is bringing North Dakota jobs to students around the region.  Check it out. (Valley News Live)

It’s September 11.  I created this website to share all of the good and kind and wonderful people in the world.  Here are some of the those people from that horrible day in 2001. (VWU) (New York Public Radio) (That Helps)

Havana’s Justin Lehmann proposed to his future wife with a field full of soybeans, a friend’s airplane, and a promise of “no more secrets.” (Valley News Live)

In “two of my North Dakota Today segments have come together in one story” news, Grand Forks’ Winship Elementary has planted a garden filled with indigenous plants. (Grand Forks Herald)

Minot’s Jersey Johnson is Miss Norsk Hostfest 2024. (Minot Daily News)

Grand Forks’ Myles Sundby is North Dakota’s Trooper of the Year. (Grand Forks Herald)

Velva’s Dr. Colleen Hofer has received the Lifetime Learning and Service Recognition Award from the Academy of General Dentistry. (Minot Daily News)

Kyle and his friends, Corey and Kelly, have a podcast called North Dakota After Dark where they talk about youth hockey in North Dakota.  The latest episode is up and was a live show and I was one of the guests.  Check it out. Bonus: you can watch it on YouTube. (North Dakota After Dark)

One of my readers, Faye, sent me a stack of nice news that she found in her own travels around the Internet.  Here they are (thanks, Faye!):

Have a favorite social worker?  Nominate them here! (NASW)

The FM Derby Girls are looking for members.  No gear is required (just passion).  Learn more on September 12. (Facebook)

Freshman enrollment is up at UND – which usually means more young people staying in the state. (Grand Forks Herald)

September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and this article has a lot of resources. (Fargo Forum)

The Corn Maize in East Grand Forks is voting for Snoopy in November. (Valley News Live)

The Forum’s Mike Jacobs is retiring from bird writing, but not bird watching. (Grand Forks Herald)

---