I’m typing this from the front seat of our rented minivan on our annual drive to Michigan to visit Kyle’s cousins. If you’ve been reading North Dakota Nice for a while you know we do the travel portion of this trip over four days (two there, two back) so as to force love-filled family fun time on our children. We rent a minivan because we are a lot less disgusting in a vehicle belonging to someone else, and also so Kyle can live out his minivan ownership dreams without actually being a minivan owner himself.
Not much has happened during the drive beyond Kyle fretting over traffic and the minivan transporting a bag of vegetables that I proudly cut up and packed in Grand Forks so they can be throw them away, uneaten, in Michigan. Not much has happened when we’ve been outside the vehicle, either, but we have made an attempt to show the cut vegetables a good time and so I’m going to tell you about a few of those adventures now.
Sorry Susan
We stopped for dinner in Madison, Wisconsin on the first evening of our drive. We parked downtown alongside the Capitol Building to give Nine the chance to tell us about the time he was chased by a bee on the Capitol lawn (didn’t happen), and we walked down the street to a restaurant called The Old Fashioned.
I wasn’t very hungry because I had willed myself full in order to avoid eating the cut vegetables (which stayed in the car for a little peace and quiet), so I announced loudly enough for the cut vegetables to hear that I was going to order an appetizer. The menu offered a starter called a Meat Susan, and since I’m at the stage of my life where I only ingest foodstuffs named after women, that’s what I got.
The Meat Susan was delivered on a round platter (non-rotating, in case you were wondering) roughly the size of a car tire. On it was a pound of salami shaped into a rose, another pound of chopped liver cut into slices, two bowls of pickled herring and smoked whitefish, two enormous scoops of creamy cheese, a mountain of pickles, and enough crackers to make Nine say, “Whoa, that’s a lot of crackers!” Also, mustard. I did my darnedest to make a dent in that platter, but finally had to throw in the napkin.
“I’ll take the rest to go and eat it for breakfast,” I told Kyle.
“Are you sure?” Kyle asked.
“Yes, I’m sure,” I said.
The Meat Susan leftovers were deposited in the hotel mini-fridge alongside the cut vegetables. The next morning, Kyle opened the fridge to pack the vegetables back up in the cooler. The smell of Styrofoam-doused salami wafted through the room.
“Ready for breakfast?” Kyle asked.
“I’m not hungry,” I said.
“Want me to pack it in the cooler?” He asked.
“I don’t want to crowd the cut vegetables,” I said, and sighed. “Sorry, Susan.”
U-505
We took a long pit stop at the Museum of Science and Industry because the cut vegetables had not yet experienced Chicago. The animate Kosiors have been to the Museum of Science and Industry a bunch of times (hard brag) and still haven’t seen it all because the museum is ENORMOUS and filled to the brim with amazing interactive exhibits, such as a full-scale coal mine and multi-story tornado and avalanche simulators. Kyle’s best moment from this trip was in the Space Center in a round room exhibiting the SpaceX Dragon capsule. The boys and I were standing on the far end of the rotunda watching the floor-to-ceiling camera feed from the Dragon’s return to Earth after its trip to the International Space Station. Kyle was standing on the opposite end near the door. Next to him, a senior woman slumped in a wheelchair was pushed into the room by her elderly daughter. As soon as the Dragon came into view, the mother leaned forward in her chair and her entire being lit up.
“It was like watching someone become a kid again,” Kyle told me later. “She aged backwards in seconds.”
One of Twelve’s favorite exhibits is the German U-505 submarine – the first enemy warship captured by the U.S. since 1815 – which is located in a section of the museum specifically designed for the ship. The actual U-Boat is accessed through a series of immersive exhibition halls detailing the story of the submarine’s capture and life at sea during World War II, and we were through three of the rooms when Nine announced that he absolutely 100% did not want to proceed any further through the exhibition hall, and that he ABSOLUTELY 1000% did not want to go onto the U-505 itself.
“I’m surprised to hear that,” I said to him, “since you were very excited when we bought the tickets for the U-505 tour.”
“No, I wasn’t,” Nine said. “I was only pretending.”
“You’re pretending seemed pretty realistic,” I said.
“I’m a very good actor,” he said.
“I bet you’re going to want to go on the U-505 when the time comes,” Kyle said.
“No, I won’t,” he said.
The time came, and I was fully prepared to take Nine to a mirror maze about the mathematics of nature (as a side note, we did this later and it was fantastic and it was also a chance to see people of all walks of life try to not look nervous about the possibility of being stuck forever in a mirror maze) while Kyle and Twelve did the U-Boat…but Kyle was convinced Nine would want to go, and he was right.
I did not tour the U-505 because I’ve seen it (Oh, what’s that on the ground there – another brag?) and it’s a TIGHT FIT in that sub; instead, I spent fifteen leisurely minutes in the Fairy Castle exhibit and then went and sat on a bench outside the U-505 and waited for my fellas. Nine was the first to emerge.
“How was it?” I said as we walked to the gift shop.
“It was terrible and I never want to do it again,” Nine said. “I almost stared to cry; look, here’s a little bit of a tear that almost came out.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
“Yes, it was very…hey, this is what I want,” he said, pulling a poster showcasing the various U-Boats off of the shelves.
“Maybe you should get something from an exhibit you actually liked,” I said.
“What do you mean?” Nine said, incredulous. “It was my favorite part of the museum!”
“You said it was terrible,” I said.
“It was terrible, and also my favorite part,” he said.
“You’re a guy of many layers,” I said.
“People tell me that a lot,” he said.
[A side note: I had originally titled this section “U-Boat,” and Nine looked over my shoulder while I was typing and made me rename every instance of it to the proper name of the submarine.]
Best Friends
As always, the boys have spent a large portion of the drive nattering at each other. We enjoyed a brief moment of respite from their fighting at a rest stop, where the boys escorted one another to the bathroom and I considered opening the bag of cut vegetables and did not.
“Isn’t it so much nicer when you guys are getting along,” Kyle commented when they returned to the minivan.
“Yes, I can see us being best friends one day,” Twelve said in earnest.
“Like now?” Nine asked, hopefully.
“No, not now,” Twelve said.
[Another aside: The U-505 tour included a demonstration where they turned off the lights on the sub and simulated depth charges being exploded nearby. It’s pretty unsettling, as you can imagine – especially for a nine-year-old with a vivid imagination and a proclivity for freaking out. Twelve, anticipating Nine’s fear, wrapped his arms around his brother as the sub went dark, and Nine was just fine.]
Twelve will turn thirteen on the 4th of July (Here’s an interesting fact: my sister’s son was also born on the 4th of July, and Kyle’s cousin was born on Canada Day). He is big and hairy and can be a turd to his brother, but has also become even sweeter and gentler and funnier and more interesting than he was as a little guy. The photo above is of two parents of a teenager.
This week on North Dakota Today we talked about Perry and Bonnie Schlosser, my Nice People of the Week, as well as a cool club for old tractors. Enjoy! (Valley News Live)
In case you missed it, I posted about a couple of awesome upcoming events: the Polk County Fair and McVille Days. Get out yer couches (this will make sense with the McVille thing) and have a great time! (North Dakota Nice)
Andy Roddick has finally won Wimbledon…North Dakota. (Little Black Book)
Hankinson’s Cody Mauch recently hosted a free camp for young football players. (Facebook)
This post is for my dad because I want him to do this in Grand Forks: there is a model train setup taking up the entire basement of the Buckstop Junction in Bismarck. (KFYR TV)
The town of Enderlin was pretty jacked up by the NBA Draft this year. (Fargo Forum)
Also in case you missed it, Sophia and Ashlyn (the hosts of North Dakota Today) spent a couple of days in beautiful Medora. You can see their segments – and their outfits – on the ND Today website here. (Valley News Live)
You know all about Binford’s Alfred Eggermont and his turn on the TV show MasterChef Junior; what you may not know is that Alfred has received the services of the North Dakota School for the Blind. (ND Vision Services)
Kyle and his friends, Corey and Kelly, have a podcast called North Dakota After Dark where they talk about youth hockey in North Dakota. The latest episode is up and is an interview with Kyle Kosior himself. Check it out. Bonus: you can watch it on YouTube. (North Dakota After Dark)
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