I was hanging out with some of my fellow moms on Sunday and the conversation turned, naturally, to the grocery store.  The frequency that moms talk about the grocery store is directly proportional to the number of times we are called “Bruh” by an individual under the age of 18 in a given week, which is a lot.

When my mother and uncles were children, my grandmother went to the grocery store every day.  I know she used to go to the grocery store every day because she and I were having a cold drink at Barney’s in New York and discussing which restaurant would be best for dinner and I joked,

“We could just eat at home.”

Which was funny because I never, ever once ate a home-cooked dinner at my grandparents’ house.  My grandma looked me square in the eye and said,

“I did my time at the market.”

I’ve made my time at the market infinitely more complicated than it needs to be because I am, as the French say, Une Wackjob.  I get my dry goods from one store, my fruits and vegetables from another, everything else at a third place, and bulk stuff from a fourth.

“Can’t you get everything from one spot and be fine with whatever they have?”  You may be wondering.

No.

I get my dry goods from Target using their app.  I like the app because it’s fast; it remembers everything I have purchased in the past (which is not at all embarrassing should someone ever see it), so it takes me a quick ten seconds to hit “Reorder” and another 30 minutes to browse every other item sold by Target and its subsidiaries in case I need something, which I never do.  Since I’ve now saved probably the equivalent of five whole minutes compared to what I would have spent shopping in-store, I have loads of time to shop at my other aforementioned locations while my Target order is prepared for pick up.

A few Saturdays ago, I was finishing my other shopping when I realized – crap on a cracker – I had forgotten to place my Target order.  I came to this realization while standing in the parking lot of the grocery store. 

“Did you go back into the grocery store and simply purchase your missing items?”  You are probably thinking.

No.  I drove to Target.

My town of Grand Forks, North Dakota is only a hop, skip, and a jump away from Manitoba, Canada.  Due to our proximity, Manitobans regularly travel down to Grand Forks to partake in our shopping experiences and enjoy our American dining fare.  The typical Manitoban’s favorite restaurant?  Texas Roadhouse.  And their favorite store?  Target.  We North Dakotans (minus Kyle) are happy to welcome our Canadian neighbors, and we do so by staying far, far away from Texas Roadhouse and Target whenever there is a Canadian long weekend so as to give visiting Manitobans the run of the place.

That fateful Saturday was smack in the middle of a Canadian long weekend.

I pulled into the Target parking lot and realized I’d have to park across the road at Coldstone because there wasn’t a single spot left in the Target lot. 

“Did you open up the Target app, place your order, and go home with the plan to pick up your goods in a few hours’ time?”

No.  I went inside and shopped.

The lines for the checkouts stretched back into the women’s clothing section.  Since I was standing there anyway, I found a cutie-cute short-sleeved shirt and tossed it into my cart.  (I may have also found some cutie-cutie socks and a cutie-cute candy bar, too, but those aren’t relevant to the story.)

Finally, I made it to the front of the line.  My poor check-out girl looked like she was about ready to throw in her red shirt and get an easier job, like World War II Medic.  As she scanned my items, other patrons and employees kept stopping her to ask questions.  Impressively, my check-out girl never stopped scanning during any of these conversations – and in short (relative) order, I was on my way.

I gathered up my bags, walked the hundred-ish miles to my car, stuck everything in the trunk, and started the car.

Then I realized that my total bill was awfully inexpensive for someone who had just purchased a cutie-cute shirt.

I pulled out my receipt and realized my shirt wasn’t on there.  I looked back at Target and the six-thousand-ish Canadians poured through its doors.

I called Kyle.

“So, you’ve stolen a shirt,” he said.

“Not on purpose,” I said.

“Did you pay for it?”  He said.

“Technically, they gave it to me,” I said.

“Would you ever be able to wear it in good conscience?”  He said.

I sighed.

I hung up the phone, walked the eight million-ish miles back to the store, and got into the Customer Service line.

“I need to pay for this,” I said to the Customer Service lady, handing her the shirt.  She looked confused, rightfully.

A few days later, I was wearing my cutie-cute shirt to cook dinner (I didn’t wear the shirt specifically to cook dinner; I was cooking dinner in clothes, and one of those clothes was the shirt).  My twelve-year-old came up from the basement to find out how much longer he was going to have to starve before the food would be ready.

“Your shirt looks pretty,” he said.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome, Bruh,” he said, descending back down from whence he came.

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I told Kyle I didn’t have a photo for this story so he sent me the one above.

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This week on North Dakota Today we talked about a school of kids doing good in the community, and a community of adults doing good by plans.  Check it out!  (Valley News Live)

Man, teachers are the best: Sheila Peterson, North Dakota’s Teacher of the Year, has been sharing her trophy and her accolades with her fellow educators. (KFYR TV)

Happy birthdays to Ashley’s Carrold, Collin, and Claude Wahl! (Fargo Forum)

The subject of Ken Burns’ latest documentary: the American Buffalo.  The home of said buffalo?  North Dakota. (Prairie Public)

This is the story of Rosebud, who was a good, good, dog. (Star Tribune)

Mark your calendars and shine up your chisels, because the the Flickertail Woodcarvers are coming to Bismarck. (KX Net)

Tom Askjem is practicing amateur archaeology on an 1870s homestead in Polk County… (KFYR TV)

…While Amy and Emily Sakariassen are hunting down lost mansions in Bismarck. (KFYR TV)

Dakota Thunder is ready for his close-up. (Valley News Live)

Tigirlily Gold made their Today Show debut earlier this week. (Hot 97.5 FM)

As a reminder, I’ll be appearing on North Dakota Today on Monday mornings. Tune in, and send me the people and stories that are nice.  Thank you in advance!

ALSO as a reminder, Kyle now has a North Dakota hockey podcast on Pulltab Sports. It’s called “North Dakota After Dark” and he hosts it with our friends Kelly and Corey. Episode 10 with Marc Hoe is now up. Click here to listen.

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