This past weekend was the annual Camp Bubbe Zayde, a multi-day fun rampage in which my parents spoil the bajeezus out of our children and then return them to us coated in sugar, presents, and waterpark wristbands.  Kyle and I usually get the heck out of Dodge during Camp BZ, but plane tickets were wildly expensive owing to the fact that it was a holiday and the start of college – and so we were left with three options: 1) drive five hours back to Grand Forks and hang out at home; 2) stay in Minneapolis, which we didn’t want to do in case Camp BZ had an unexpected need for two additional counselors; or 3) drive somewhere no more than four hours, fifty-minutes away from the Minneapolis city limits.  We chose Door Number Three, did that thing where we closed our eyes and plopped our finger down on a map, and came up with Des Moines, Iowa.

To be totally honest, prior to this trip, I thought about Iowa as much as non-North Dakotans think about North Dakota, which is Never.  This, as we discovered, is what Iowans want.  Kyle and I told four (technically five) different Iowans that it was our first time in Des Moines and none of them asked what we thought of the place, because Iowans don’t care.  I mean, they want visitors to enjoy themselves and be happy, but then they want us to leave their state and never speak of it again.

“Oh, Amanda, ha ha, that’s not what Iowa is like,” you may be saying.

Well, on our last night in Des Moines, Kyle and I were having a great chat with the sweetest, loveliest waitress and we told her we were having the best vacation and she said,

“OH, NO, DON’T TELL ANYONE IT’S REALLY NICE HERE!  We already have too much traffic!”

Des Moines is really nice.  It’s a food mecca; there’s approximately one five-star restaurant per five people.  And they are (relatively) inexpensive.  We Happy Houred at a local watering hole and it set us back $10.  Why is food cheaper there than the rest of America?  Only Iowa knows.

Des Moines is also clean.  Very clean.  So clean that Kyle said, “You could film a movie on the street and they would have to bring in garbage to make it look like a real town.”  I don’t know if Des Moines waits for everyone to leave for Labor Day and then scrubs the crap out of itself, but it was like Pleasantville (if Pleasantville were a high-rise city; Des Moines is the capitol).  Additionally, and I know it was a holiday, but I’ve lived in Boston and Minneapolis and Des Moines does not have traffic.

As I said, our sweet, lovely waitress was Number Four (technically Five) in our list of temporary Iowa friends.  Number Three (technically Four) was a glamorous and charming shopkeeper who said, “My nephew went to school in North Dakota; do you know Craig?”  And, you know what?  WE DID KNOW CRAIG.

Numbers Two and Sort-Of-Three were our tablemates at a comedy club.  This particular comedy club only offered tables of four – so if you were a group of two, you sat with another duo and were told to make friends, which we did.  The reason why I say they were friends Two and Sort-Of-Three was because the taller friend spoke for them both.  Imagine Bert and Ernie, if Bert was a thirty-ish beauty and looked like he was ready to party.  Ernie COULD talk; he was across from me and I asked him a few questions, but he’d get one word out and look to Bert, who would finish the conversation off with gusto.

Our new pals had driven from Iowa City because they loved the headlining comedian so much that they had seen him every time he’d been to Iowa.  It turned out a lot of the audience had seen this comedian before because towards the end of his set the crowd started shouting joke requests, and then Bert would punch Kyle in the shoulder and relay the entire joke word-for-word as the comedian did the same from the stage, and then everyone in the audience would burst into hysteric fits of laughter.

We met Friend Number One at a tour of the Salisbury House, which was by far the most interesting thing we did in Des Moines and I’m going to try to tell why as briefly as possible because this story is already too long.  A man named Carl Weeks and his wife, Edith, made their millions in Armand cosmetics in the 1920s and decided to use some of their wealth to build a near-replica of a house in Salisbury, England, and then fill it with something like 10,000 pieces of art and artifacts.

Here is the smallest sampling of the Salisbury House:

• Many of the details in the house came from dismantled buildings from the Tudor era.  The doors, for example, weigh 200 pounds each.  There are several religious sculptures, one of which has a secret notch in the back where the monks of the 16^th century hid alcohol.
• Edith Weeks was an extensive traveler (Carl followed her around Europe until she agreed to marry him), and displayed her favorite souvenirs in her private quarters.  The walls of her bedroom were padded silk, and her bed was covered in a three-dimensional silk coverlet.  Edith owned seven of these coverlets – each took six women three years to hand embroider – and they were changed and washed daily so that she could tell which day of the week it was by the color of her bedding.
• Carl Weeks loved collecting rocks, and had his favorites (including one from the Parthenon) set into the walls of a part of the house called “Friendship Hall.”  He liked rocks so much that he had one carved into a wheel, which became the symbol for the national Rotary Club. 
• Friendship Hall was right off the garage, and if you came to visit the Weeks, they would have one of their servants gas up, detail, wash, and change the oil in your car before you left.
• The dining room has a hand-carved Steinway piano which, after it was built, was deemed the finest piano they had ever made by the Steinways themselves.  The general public can pay to play the Steinway, with the money going to preserve and repair the piano.
• Vincent Price used one of the chairs in the library for his introductions to his pictures.  Next to the chair is a skeleton of a rat.  When the Weeks purchased a nearby Tudor home for its parts, the contractor told them if they took the flooring, they needed to take the dead rat under the floorboards, too – so they did. 

Kyle and I learned all of this, and much more, on an hour-long group tour of the house.  Our tour group was led by a charming docent named David, and consisted of a May-December couple (if you are a gentleman sorting through the dating pool for a younger woman, Des Moines is the place for you), a family who kept going into the wrong rooms, two younger people who may have wandered into the house by accident, a Mennonite couple (I think; they may have been Amish, and if that is the case, I am so sorry to all parties), and the Kosiors.

The Mennonite wife and I became best friends over that hour, as we stood by each other most of the time and if you’ve ever been on a museum tour you know that’s how friendships are established.  Our friendship consisted of saying things like, “Isn’t that beautiful?”  and “Here, I’ll stand back so you can get a better look.”  As noted, Edith Weeks’ bedroom is filled with art from around the world.  Carl’s bedroom, on the other hand, has a giant portrait of Edith.

“That’s so Carl didn’t get too comfortable,” Kyle said, and my new best friend and I laughed together –husbands, right?!

I’d highly recommend seeing Des Moines for yourself (sorry, Iowans).  To take some advice from two Iowan masterpieces: “You ought to give Iowa a try.”  Because: “Is this heaven?  No, it’s Iowa.”

The photo above is of Kyle at the Salisbury House. I also put a bunch of photos of Iowan stuff (mostly food) up on Instagram.

I wasn’t on North Dakota Today this week because it was a holiday and I was in Iowa.  But guess what?  My buddies at Valley News Live have been nominated for 3 Emmy Awards!  (Valley News Live)

Want to hang out with the Kosiors and support Altru’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit?  Kyle and I are the emcees of the 2023 Altru Gala on September 23! (Altru)

If you don’t want to go as far as Des Moines, take a written journey through western North Dakota via Mark Strand. (Fargo Forum)

Congratulations to Thompson’s David Kurtz, Police Chief of the community, gold medalist in the World Police and Fire Games. (Fargo Forum)

Mandan’s Steve and Nellie Blotter have an impressive number of vintage Volkswagens. (KFYR TV)

Speaking of cars, Fargo’s Terry Bonkowski is locally famous for his distinctive driving style. (Valley News Live)

Grand Forks now has a stack of new games, including ping bong, ladder golf, and bags, for free use by the public. (Valley News Live)

Petersburg’s Sophia Betz-Hillard has been playing football since the fourth grade, and recently inspired two other girls to join the team. (KFYR TV)

In North Dakota-adjacent news, this is the sweetest story of a Minnesota boy who reeled in $2,000 cash and returned it to its owner (IN IOWA). (ABC 7 Chicago)

As a reminder, I’ll be appearing on North Dakota Today on Monday mornings. Tune in, and send me the people and stories that are nice.  Thank you in advance!

ALSO as a reminder, Kyle now has a North Dakota hockey podcast on Pulltab Sports. It’s called “North Dakota After Dark” and he hosts it with our friends Kelly and Corey. It’s pretty dumb, pretty funny, and I said, “KYLE, you can’t say that” at least 3x when they were recording…so be warned. Episode 7 is now up. Click here to listen.