My ten-year-old and his buddy spent thirty minutes raking leaves a few weeks ago and henceforth decided to turn their newfound skill into a leaf-raking business. This was the conversation we had on the ride to school the next morning:
October 11 is Canadian Thanksgiving. Or, as they call it in Canada, Thanksgiving. Canadian Thanksgiving is the exact same thing as American Thanksgiving except that it’s in Canada and on an October Monday and everyone says “Eh” a lot. Also, Canadians watch Canadian Football on Thanksgiving, not American Football. (Come to think of it, I don’t know if Canadians ever watch American Football because, as the name suggests, they have their own football league – which, like American Thanksgiving, is the same but also slightly different.)
Kyle and I are tour people. We love tours. We will attend basically any tour that is offered to us. You could say, “Hey, listen, I’m giving a tour of my living room. To participate, you’ll need this painter’s tape and this roller and this can of ‘Marshmallow Heaven’ and the tour will consist of you painting my walls,” and so long as you also give us a storyguide headset and one of those little metal buttons with the folding flap, we’re in.
Anyways, today I’m going to tell you about my all-time favorite tour.
A huge part of my job is understanding social behaviors; and if I had to use one word to describe all grownups right now, that word would be TIRED. It’s like being at a party where you were ready to leave 45 minutes ago but your ride is debating whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich with a large group of people, and so you sit there with your empty wine glass, avoiding a refill or a trip to the bathroom or anything, really, that would delay your exit, responding to all attempted conversations with, “Oh, yeah? Oh, okay.”
I recently read an unattributed Internet fact that the percentage of men with at least six close friends has fallen by half since 1990; and that men today are five times more likely to state that they don’t have a single close friend compared to similarly-aged men thirty years ago. As the mother of two boys, I’ve been noodling on this (quite possibly completely made up*) information and I have a theory about it.
I wasn’t planning on writing anything else about our move because, honestly, who wants to read that – but the whole thing was such a wild ride that Kyle basically insisted I record it here for posterity. So, here we go:
When we were first married, Kyle and I went to the movie theater so often that we took it upon ourselves to create a movie review website, called We Are Here To Tell You Your Opinion. This website was not borne out of altruism or a desire for fame; rather, we are both oldest children, and it is our God-given right to tell people what to do. It’s important to understand that absolutely no one in the history of cinema had or has ever asked, “Hey, I wonder what Amanda and Kyle thought of The Grey?”
This week’s story is about my feelings on gasoline, and this week’s news has penguins, ‘Prizm’ers, and parties. Read on.
This week’s story is about ranch dressing, and this week’s news is about pen pals, teen suicide prevention, and a food pantry vegetable garden. Read on.
This week’s story is about soccer, and this week’s news is about a new museum in Antler, recovery after a cow attack, and Tigirlily. Read on.
This week’s story is about garage sales, and this week’s news has an art festival, discount insulin, and a population boom. Read on.
This week’s story is a tale of two infomercials, and this week’s news has friendly fire departments, a Fueled Force, and a four-time award-winning artist. Read on.
This week’s story is about a Passover food delicacy, and this week’s news has an app for farmland hunting, online art lessons, and Miss Basketball. Read on.
This week’s story is about the first time I mowed our lawn, and this week’s news is about a new definition of a “LOAN,” a black-footed ferret, and a bunch of North Dakotans competing on a national scale. Read on.
This week’s story is about Kyle, and this week’s news has happy wooden trees, cozy kids, and lots of dogs. Read on.
This week’s story is about a Crabby Valentine’s Day, and this week’s news is about a 40-year volunteer, a room full of prom dresses, and Hygge. Read on.
This week’s story is about my job at the Shirt Shoppe, and this week’s news has not one, not two, but three articles about cats. Read on.
This week’s story is about the weather, and this week’s news is about a TikTok sensation, a beautiful bridge, and a bookmobile. Read on.
This week’s story is about a trip to Bar Harbor, and this week’s news is about a red panda named Bo, a fundraiser named Danette, and a teacher named Jo. Read on.
This week’s story is about Dixie Cups and spiders, and this week’s news has the first babies of the new year. Read on.